Day One

Today was the first day of my new life. I finished work on Friday, spent the weekend at swim meets, and woke up this morning with the alarm at 7:30 AM. I had not slept well and I felt like shit. My first thought was that I needed to call in sick. And then I realized with a rush of adrenaline, "I'm retired!"

I jumped out of bed, downed my first cup of coffee and told my friend, Alicia, who lives with my husband and me, that I would be ready to start at 8:30 AM.

OK. So everyone wants to know what is my plan? And everyone has many, many unsolicited suggestions. I should hire a personal trainer. I should join a health club. I should take a water aerobics class so I won't hurt myself. I should join a senior track team so I can train and make new friends.


Let's just say that I know myself well, and none of these ideas would work for me. I am a recluse or hope to become one soon. I once told my therapist that I would rather clean and organize my kitchen cabinets than attend a party of my friends. It's not that I don't like people. It's just that I like them in very short doses and one or two at a time. I absolutely hate clubs, and the idea of sitting through another meeting makes want to run down the hall screaming and pulling my hair.

I am also dramatically stubborn and independent. Suggest a book that you loved and I won't read it. Give me directions and I'll take a different route, which I am certain is shorter. Recommend a restaurant and I know I will find fault with the quality of the lettuce or the texture of the lady fingers in the tiramisu.


So a personal trainer is out because I won't follow directions. A track team is out because I would have to be friendly. And the concept of be flailing around in water aerobics with other fat people wearing flotation belts emphazing our large girths reminds me of the scene from Fantasia in which the elephants dance wearing tutus.


So I am doing this on my own. I am using the block method -- four blocks of exercise each day, five days a week. Each block must be 20 minutes or longer. Any type of exercise is OK. Today I began with stretching with Alicia to a woman's relaxation CD, which reminded me of the first 12 bars of Grofe's The Grad Canyon Suite repeated over and over again. I kept waiting for the clip clop but it never came.

Secondly to the pool for45 minutes of water walking. Then home for wholewheat pasta with pesto, and then back to the pool for a twenty minute lap swim (I had to rest several times in between laps, but I kept going, if only at a snail's pace). And finally 20 minutes of ballet in the water. This is not to be confused with water ballet otherwise known as synchronized swimming. When I do ballet in the water, I do bar work using the side of the pool, followed by leaps and squatting stretches resembling a Russian dancer. All this is possible with the water supporting my weight and providing balance assistance. Thank God the pool is large and no one seemed to watching.


So how do I feel after all this? Hungry, but not the least bit tired. I feel elated, even a little manic. I am not sure how long this feeling will last. I know I will crash at some point. But right now I plan to go with it and not ask a lot of questions.

My New Wardrobe

Every athlete needs clothes, and I am no exemption. Most large women don't like to shop, but I do. I am fascinated by "What Not to Wear, and believe that clothes are not just superficial but make a statement about who we think we are. For a fat woman, clothes are very important because they can convey a level of self acceptance which others will validate. A well dressed fat women sends a message , "I take myself seriously and you should too."

In order to make good on my plan to run a mile, I am retiring. June 30 is the big day, when I am 60, say goodbye to the office for good, and am reborn as someone obsessed by exercise rather than by watching TV. The only downside is that I no longer get to shop for work clothes. Fortunately, a whole new category of merchandise beckons --- exercise clothes.

Any big wardrobe transition requires a shopping trip to New York, so after a long bus ride, and a wonderful meal enjoyed by my yet to be reborn self, I hit Lord and Taylor. Why you may ask, would some one go to L&T for exercise clothes? The answer is a whole floor of plus size, well made clothing! Here I find the mother load of Kate Hill separates. Stretch cotton pants, T-shirts and sweat jackets so soft they feel like my favorite pajamas. I select a color palate -- black, royal blue and white, and I buy a set.

Back in the hotel, I model these for my friend who exclaims that they fit beautifully -- not too tight, yet not voluminous. And I feel like I am wearing pajamas they are so comfortable. I can't take them off. I wear them to dinner which means we have to go to a sports bar and eat sliders. The next morning before boarding the bus home, I rush back and buy another set.

Back home spring has arrived with the first spurt of warm weather. I need shorts. I search the web. I look on the Junonia site -- a brand for active large size women. The shorts look dowdy. Then I try Landsend and bingo! Beautiful shorts and yoga pants. And a singlet with a built- in bra in my size. I touch the purchase button and I am on my way to my new self!